A year ago my husband and I gave birth to him. It has been wonderful to watch his development. I have learned so much about myself through him. Being a parent causes one to grow in ways that can only make you a better parent to yourself.
Growth in one's self happens in small steps. It is never this huge bang. It is a series of growth movements that combine into that one AH HA moment.
I have learned this last year to ask myself my motive behind why I want certain things. The answer to the question is usually selfish in nature. Once I ask the question, I can clearly see what I really want. For example, I get irritated I cannot finish any project I start. Even writing in this blog is a process of stop and go. When the question is asked, “Why am I getting upset?” it is because John wants my attention. The next questions, “Do I or do I not want to give him attention?” and “What is most important?”, provides perspective. There is no activity more important than being with my son; However,my reasons to not focus on him become skewed by my focus on the project. Forgetting, as if I have amnesia for a moment, what I really want and what is important to me.
The time I have with him right now and he wanting to be in my space is finite. Any project or seemingly important activity will always be there…even if that means waiting a few years. My son will be grown and not available to me in the same few years, so I do not want to waste now on anything else.